woensdag 16 december 2009

HSP in relationships

Here are some thoughts when it comes to relationships.

First, a suggestion: Take it slowly.

We'll say it again, because we think it's that important. Take it  slowly!

One thing we've hear over and over again is that some Highly Sensitive People have a habit of moving their romantic relationships along a little too fast. It seems that women who are highly sensitive may be harmed by this more than highly sensitive men, but they aren't immune, either.

We think it's probably because people with the trait of high sensitivity are so often very intuitive and they feel a new relationship is "right" and may tend to get intimate (sexually) too quickly.

Unfortunately, often times "Mr. or Ms. Right" turns out to really be "Mr. or Ms. Wrong." And, when highly sensitive people move their relationships along too quickly and get intimate too soon, and because of hormone Oxytocin, younger women and older men often find themselves "bonded" to a not-so-nice person.

We hope this has never happened to you, but if you've "been there and done that" you know what we're talking about.

So please pass on any tips you have on this subject.

woensdag 9 december 2009

The Joys and Pitfalls of Being an Empath

Today I offer you an article by

Being an Empath is a Double Edged Sword

Can you feel what others around you are feeling? Are you sensitive to your surroundings? When you lay your hands on someone, do your hands know right where to go to help that person? Perhaps you are an empath.

Curse or Blessing?

Being an empath is a double edged sword. It can be both a curse and a blessing. On one hand, you have the ability to intuit exactly what you need to do to make someone comfortable. On the other, it is easy to lose track of what you need, because you are so accustomed to caring for other's comfort before caring for your own. You have easy access to information about what is going on with the people around you, but sometimes it is hard to know your own mind.

Some people would love to learn how to be more empathic, while others would love to learn how to retain the best parts of that skill, while managing the more difficult aspects. this article will help you with both things.

An Empath Can Be a Real Chameleon

I have this theory that people become empaths as a way to stay safe in their world. If you know what those around you are feeling, then you know how to adjust what you say and do to make them comfortable so that they are safer people to be around, both emotionally and physically. An empath can be a real chameleon, shifting tone of voice, conversation styles, body posture, and choice of tactics and actions to help the people that are around them to feel more at ease. The problem with this is that they often lose track of what is actually authentic and true for themselves.

Self Care or Self Detriment?

Empaths tend to care take their environment as a way to care take themselves. This is a pretty roundabout way of doing self care. Doing or saying something that will make someone else angry or sad is uncomfortable for an empath, so that they often avoid confrontation in order to avoid feeling other people's uncomfortable emotions. It is easy for them to lose track of the fact that they themselves are feeling uncomfortable.

I know first hand, because I am an empath. It has been both a gift and has exacted many painful lessons from me. I could never be the healer I am today without having been an empath. When I lay my hands on a person, I can tell almost right away what emotions are lodged in that person's body, what issues they are dealing with, and sometimes, even what they are thinking. On the other side of the coin, there have been times in my life where I was not true to myself because of the needs and the emotions of others, often greatly to my detriment.

So what are we to do about this quandary?

There are several things that I have found essential practices in my path to take advantage of the psychic gifts, and lessen the problems of being an empath.If you are in dount as what to do, please come and make an appointment for a FLOW test.

maandag 7 december 2009

Book Review

A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future

By Daniel H. Pink
Review by Todd Hagler (aka Seeker)       Original Post: June 7, 2009
Cover of "A Whole New Mind" 
I don’t know if Daniel Pink has ever heard of the highly sensitive person (HSP); but I do know he’s created a guide for non-HSPs that can help them develop more HSP-like awareness.  

A Whole New Mind is a long-running New York Times and BusinessWeek bestseller that has been translated into eighteen languages.

Written for the business world, A Whole New Mind argues the future belongs to a different kind of person with a different kind of mind: designers, inventors, teachers, and storytellers–creative and emphatic “right-brain” thinkers. Sound familiar?

A Whole New Mind is a light-hearted approach to a very serious change that is taking place in the world. Drawing on a variety of research, Pink outlines six fundamentally human abilities he believes are essential to professional success and personal fulfillment in what he calls the “Conceptual Age.” 
Gone is the age of “left-brain” dominance. As the title suggests, the future requires a “whole” new mind where “right-brain” qualities will be needed to flourish.

As an HSP, you’ll be encouraged by the book’s premise. Perhaps Pink’s Conceptual Age will be a time when it will be easier to be an HSP. An age when we’ll not only gain a little understanding, but enjoy a higher value both professionally and personally.

After outlining his idea and making a case for the forces that are driving the change, Pink defines the six essential abilities needed to succeed in the Conceptual Age: Design, Story, Symphony, Empathy, Play, and Meaning. Each of these “Six Senses” is given its own chapter; then at the end of each chapter is a portfolio–a collection of tools, exercises, and further readings to help sharpen that particular sense.

To me, it’s these portfolio sections that are most interesting. They take A Whole New Mind beyond the traditional business book and make it ” The Non-HSPs Guide to Thinking Like an HSP.”

If you’re an HSP, read it to be encouraged. Then share it with the non-HSPs in your life to give them some insight into what it’s like to be you.

Pink has authored a trio of bestselling books on the changing world of work, including Free Agent Nation: The Future of Working for Yourself and his latest, The Adventures of Johnny Bunko: The Last Career Guide You’ll Ever Need.

You can order them from Amazon via this link.

donderdag 3 december 2009

The Highly Sensitive Child


As the mother of a High Sensitive Child I know how hard school life can be.  She comes home most days with a screaming headache either from spending 8 hours under TL lamps or on a rainy day, from spending the break times in the covered recreation area with around 100 shouting youngsters.

In a previous post I have told about the work of Elaine Aron.  She's got an absolute great book on the Highly Sensitive Child.  An absolute MUST HAVE.

A highly sensitive child is one of the fifteen to twenty percent of children born with a nervous system that is highly aware and quick to react to everything. This makes them quick to grasp subtle changes, prefer to reflect deeply before acting, and generally behave conscientiously. They are also easily overwhelmed by high levels of stimulation, sudden changes, and the emotional distress of others. Because children are a blend of a number of temperament traits, some HSCs are fairly difficult--active, emotionally intense, demanding, and persistent--while others are calm, turned inward, and almost too easy to raise except when they are expected to join a group of children they do not know. But outspoken and fussy or reserved and obedient, all HSCs are sensitive to their emotional and physical environment.

So your child is highly sensitive, what now?
First, appreciate that this is a wonderful trait. It is no illness or syndrome. Nor is it something new I made up or "just discovered." It is an inborn temperament or style that is found in about twenty percent of children. Anything so persistent is not abnormal. It represents a strategy of taking everything into account before acting (the other, more common innate strategy is to act quickly and be first, then think later). The trait serves an important purpose for the individual sensitive person and for the larger society--for example, sensitive persons sense danger and see the consequences of an action before others do.

Unfortunately, the trait has been somewhat misunderstood in our culture, so that most psychologists and parents tend to see only one aspect of some sensitive children and call this trait shyness, inhibitedness, fearfulness, fussiness, or "hyper" sensitivity. If one could see inside the mind of a sensitive child, however, one would learn the whole story of what is going on--creativity, intuition, surprising wisdom, empathy for others...

But, for all of that to blossom, they absolutely must be raised with understanding. Otherwise, as adults they are prone to depression, anxiety, and shyness.

So, the second "what now" might be to read The Highly Sensitive Child. I wrote this book because so many adults were telling me that their childhoods were excruciatingly difficult, even when their parents had the best intentions, because no one knew how to raise them. Parents and teachers told them there were "too sensitive" or "too shy" or "too intense." They tried to change and could not, and so felt increasingly isolated or ashamed. My hope is to spare some children such unnecessary suffering and the world the waste of so much talent, because HSCs have a tremendous amount to offer the world. But they do need special handling. They need to be appreciated, to have their special needs and sometimes intense reactions and behaviors understood, and, when correction is needed, they need to be handled with special care so that they do not become anxious or ashamed of their failure.

This book is rooted in years of my experience as a psychotherapist and consultant to HSPs and parents of HSCs, plus interviews with parents, teachers, and HSCs themselves for the book. Then there are my experiences from my fumbling efforts to raise an HSC before I knew what that was. And there's what I know from having been an HSC myself.

Again, few parents and teachers understand this trait-–and as a result, HSCs are often mislabeled as "problem children" (and in some cases, misdiagnosed with disorders such as Attention Deficit Disorder). But raised with proper understanding and care, HSCs are no more prone to problems than nonsensitive children and can grow up to be happy, healthy, unusually well-adjusted and creative adults.

Chapters in The Highly Sensitive Child:
  1. Sensitivity--
    A Better Light on "Shy" and "Fussy" Children
    Explains the trait thoroughly, including research evidence.
  2. Fasten Your Seat Belts--
    The Challenges of Raising an Exceptional Child
    Describes the most likely problems and gets you started solving them.
  3. When You the Parent Are Not Highly Sensitive--
    Blessings in Disguise
    Even though this is an innate trait, it often happens that a parent is not highly sensitive but the child is. This chapter shows you how to make that an advantage for both of you.
  4. When You and Your Child Are Both Highly Sensitive--
    And What About the Rest of Your Family's Temperament?
    Discusses the advantages and disadvantages of having the same temperament as your child and also considers the temperament of other family members.
  5. Four Keys to Raising a Joyous HSC--
    Self-Esteem, Shame-Reduction, Wise Discipline, and Knowing How to Discuss Sensitivity
    Focusing on the most important issues, whatever the age of a child.
The rest of the book is on each stage of raising your sensitive child, with many practical tips as well as research findings on what really works with these particular children.
  1. Off to the Right Start--
    Soothing and Attuning to Highly Sensitive Infants
  2. Toddlers and Preschoolers at Home--
    Adapting to Change and Dealing with Overstimulation
  3. Toddlers and Preschoolers Out in the World--
    Helping Them Feel Successful in New Situations
  4. School-Age HSCs--
    Resolving Problems at Home
  5. School-Age HSCs--
    Helping Your Child Enjoy the Classroom and Social Life
  6. Sensitive Adolescents and Young Adults--
    The Delicate Task of Launching a Spirited, Seaworthy Vessel
  • Tips for Teachers (you can give them to your child's teacher).

dinsdag 1 december 2009

Dr Elaine Aron

In my job I meet a lot of very sensitive people.  Most of them sound very surprised when I can sum up what Life feels like to them and can predict their reaction to certain situations.

Well ... I suppose it takes one to know one :-)

It takes some time for people to admit that they are Highly Sensive and even more time to see it a a very valuable aspect of ones Self, a precious bonus, a great asset.


One of the books I enjoyed readingon the subject was The Highly Sensitive Person:
How To Thrive When The World Overwhelms You by
Elaine Aron.  Eilaine has a doctoral degree in clinical psychology and is a HSP herself.

According to Dr. Aron's definition, the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) has a sensitive nervous system, is aware of subtleties in his/her surroundings, and is more easily overwhelmed when in a highly stimulating environment.
Additionally, she says, the success of The Highly Sensitive Person is cause for celebration: "We've done it ourselves. And not surprisingly, since we are 15 to 20 percent of the population - that's fifty million in the United States. Highly sensitive people are real, we exist, and we've proven it. That alone is something to celebrate."

Another cause for Aron and her fellow HSPs to celebrate is the acceptance into mainstream psychology of the HSP personality trait.
After numerous in-depth interviews, as well as surveys of over one thousand people, Dr. Aron's findings have been published in Counseling Today, Counseling and Human Development, and the prestigious Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

In defining the Highly Sensitive Person, Dr. Aron provides examples of characteristic behaviors, and these are reflected in the questions she typically asks patients or interview subjects:
  • Are you easily overwhelmed by such things as bright lights, strong smells, coarse fabrics, or sirens nearby?
  • Do you get rattled when you have a lot to do in a short amount of time?
  • Do you make a point of avoiding violent movies and TV shows?
  • Do you need to withdraw during busy days, into bed or a darkened room or some other place where you can have privacy and relief from the situation?
  • Do you make it a high priority to arrange your life to avoid upsetting or overwhelming situations?
  • Do you notice or enjoy delicate or fine scents, tastes, sounds, or works of art?
  • Do you have a rich and complex inner life?
  • When you were a child, did your parents or teachers see you as sensitive or shy?
Dr. Aron explains that in the past HSPs have been called "shy," "timid," "inhibited," or "introverted," but these labels completely miss the nature of the trait.

Thirty percent of HSPs are actually extraverts. HSPs only appear inhibited because they are so aware of all the possibilities in a situation. They pause before acting, reflecting on their past experiences. If these were mostly bad experiences, then yes, they will be truly shy. But in a culture that prefers confident, "bold" extraverts, it is harmful as well as mistaken to stigmatize all HSPs as shy when many are not.

InThe Highly Sensitive Person, Dr. Aron reframes these stereotyping words and their common application to the HSP in a more positive light and helps HSPs use and view these aspects of their personality as strengths rather than weaknesses.

Sensitivity is anything but a flaw. Many HSPs are often unusually creative and productive workers, attentive and thoughtful partners, and intellectually gifted individuals.
According to Dr. Aron, HSPs could contribute much more to society if they received the right kind of attention - and her national bestseller proves that this 15 to 20 percent of the population is eager to get off on the right foot in asserting their unique personality trait.

You can order the book through this link

And there's a workbook too


15 jaar geleden startte ik met mijn praktijk.  In die tijd onder de naam Tremellin, later werd het ANYK The Company of Health.
In het begin startte ik met voedingstherapie - Bachflowers en voetreflexologie.  Maar naarmate ik mij verder bijschoolde en specialiseerde, veranderde mijn therapie aanbod mee.

De voorbije 5 jaren werkik bijna uitsluitend met hooggevoeligen.  Niettegenstaande de 'kwaal' waarvoor ze naar mij komen: allergie - emotionele problemen - slaapproblemen etc. steeds weer heb ik met hooggevoeligen te doen die zelf niet weten of beseffen dat ze hooggevoelig zijn en dat het dus niet de allergie is, die ik ga aanpakken, maar wel hun hooggevoeligheid.

En zodoende is dit blog ontstaan.  Je vindt hier artikelen over hooggevoeligheid van allerlei auteurs van over de hele wereld.
Ook stel ik regelmatig een boek voor en geef ik je info over opleidngen/cursussen, seminars etc.

Een blog zou geen goed blog zijn als het een eenrichtingsverkeer wordt.  Dus nodig ikieder van u uit om actief deel te nemen, via uw opmerkingen, commentaar en suggesties.

Welkom dus ... op het blog van Hooggevoeligheid-hsp

Annick Lentacker

Sensitivity is anything but a flaw.
Many HSPs are often unusually creative and productive workers, attentive and thoughtful partners, and intellectually gifted individuals.